Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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