worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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