how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
