I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
