I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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