guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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