Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
