i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
