I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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