Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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