What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
