i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just googled if crying burns calories
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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