He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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