We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
