oh god the rape fog is back!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
