I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
