I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
