There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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