I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
