Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
