Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
