I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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