I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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