I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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