dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
