She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
