how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
