i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dear god my vagina.
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