My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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