well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
