I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
