Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
