he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
