What did we do last night that was yellow?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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