WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
