i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
