grandma shit on top of the toilet
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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