Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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