well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
