She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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