I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
