porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
