Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
