He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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