Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
