dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You're like the curious george of whores
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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