you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
