So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
