i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
