Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
