he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
