I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
