Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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