My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize