Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
