I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
