I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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