Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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