And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
