She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
