Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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