If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
