The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
