i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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