Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
