i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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