onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
