well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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