Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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