There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
