Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
