Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
