The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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