1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
