he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
