it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
